


Lifetime Warranty

by Zanne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-19 21:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanne/pseuds/Zanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered why Dean nearly dies so often?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lifetime Warranty

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://tigriswolf.livejournal.com/profile)[ **tigriswolf**](http://tigriswolf.livejournal.com/)  for a quick beta. Kripke owns all.

Time had two children – Birth and Death. Birth sometimes preferred to go by her middle name – Life – especially when she was younger, but now it no longer mattered to her as she amused herself with the bones and blood of Creation.

Death, however, was his problem child – petulant, sulking, and never satisfied with his lot in this world. So Time gave Death a Toy. Time took one of Birth’s newest Creations and gave it to Death to play with, against Birth’s loud protests, warning him not to break it before the warranty ran out. Death agreed, greedily snatching the Toy from his Father’s hands.

That was how Dean Winchester became Death’s new favorite plaything.

No one remembers this, but Dean Winchester nearly died three times in the first few hours after it was born. Death had been entirely absorbed by his Dean Winchester and had gripped it too tightly until its kicking had started to slow and it gasped for air. The doctors had no idea what caused it. 

The second time was much the same – the twisting of the breathing tube into a cat’s cradle to make his new Toy smile and then turn blue. 

The third time, the nurse carrying his freshly wrapped Dean Winchester tripped over Death’s trailing robe, dropping Dean Winchester into a laundry bag of discarded crib linens, so entangling Dean Winchester that by the time the nurse retrieved it, the cries of Dean Winchester were barely audible through its struggle for breath. 

Death was _enchanted_.

  
On the night of November 2, 1983, Dean Winchester was nearly crushed by a burning beam. The only reason it escaped unscathed was that it was carrying Sam Winchester. Sam Winchester was not Death’s Toy to play with – it belonged to another, far more possessive owner who had warned Death not to put a single scratch on her Sam Winchester or to suffer the consequences. Death – ever the coward – agreed, and to make up for his disappointment, Dean Winchester was nearly run over by a firetruck only minutes later, receiving some satisfying scratches on its elbows and knees.

Death had met a new playmate – Misery. Time was not pleased with his son’s choice in friends, but she kept Death occupied so Time did not say a word.

Now that Death had teamed up with Misery, he was able to play with his Dean Winchester in far more interesting ways. Black dog maulings, bullet wounds, poltergeist scratches, knife gashes – a whole new playground had been opened up to him.

Death’s favorite game with Misery always pitted his Dean Winchester against her Sam Winchester. Several epic battles ended when Sam Winchester shot Dean Winchester, leaving Death the loser. 

The first time (well, _every_ time, really) Death pouted, but was glad they had agreed upon rock salt instead of bullets because the warranty of Dean Winchester had yet to run out. Death lapped up the agony while Misery swallowed the guilt whole.

  
No one knows this, but Death almost got into trouble _twice_ for nearly breaking his Dean Winchester.

The first time, he left Dean Winchester in the water too long and nearly ruined its battery when he allowed it to get electrocuted. Fortunately, Death found a loophole with one of his absent Reapers and was able to swap parts with another of his sister’s Creations to fix the problem before Time noticed.

The second time Death nearly broke his Dean Winchester, he was really concerned. Time _had_ taken notice and scolded him severely, leaving Death weakened and bereft. So he went to Misery and begged for help. 

They came up with a plan and Death willingly offered to trade an old, beaten-down John Winchester for a fixed Dean Winchester because John Winchester belonged to no one and who would care? 

Misery was eager to complete the deal and Death’s nearly broken Dean Winchester was almost as good as new a few hours later. Dean Winchester didn’t shine quite as much, which had something to do with Misery’s assistance, but his Dean Winchester was working again and that’s all that mattered.

Death didn’t realize that his Dean Winchester wasn’t entirely repaired. Death’s trade with his playmate had led to a loose piece rattling around in his Dean Winchester and it was never quite the same again. But Misery knew, and it made her glad because it meant that soon, her collection might be complete.

  



End file.
